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Joke of the Day

"what do you call a gang made up of cookies? oatmeal raisin hell"

"I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was ""a tent of lovers."" I wasn't really listening."

"I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what. It's my new year resolution."

"Good friends are just like snowballs. They go away if you pee on them."

"I'm the type of person that tries to fall back asleep in the morning just to finish a dream."

"Man #1 was talking to man #2. Man #2 asked man #1 how his wife Nature was doing. He said ""fine"" Then they heard ""It's time to go!"" #1 said ""well Nature is calling, I've got to go #2."

"James Bond walks into a bar... James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a chicken. Chicken: What's your name? Bond: My name's Bond. James Bond. Chicken: Nice to meet you, I'm Ken. Chick Ken."

"What's an Australian kiss? The same thing as a French kiss, except it's Down Under."

"Why are Hispanic dwarves called Paragraphs? They're too short to be called Essays."

"[Leaving ballgame] Officer: have you been drinking? Me: Yes, but I assure you officer I can't afford to get drunk there."