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Joke of the Day

"A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do."

"I'm glad Alfred Hitchcock never made a porno because it would be really weird when he made his cameo."

"Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from."

"Why didn't the Blonic Pig get a TV series of his own? He made the mistake of going to a barbecue with the Bionic Man and the Blonic Woman."

"Why isn't Barney the Dinosaur allowed to drive? Because everybody knows -- tyrannosaurus wrecks."

"Why did the arsonist get kicked off the basketball team? He kept getting pyro-technicalities."

"When speaking to children I always end every sentence with ""...or else you'll die. "" - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool."

"How do you get 300 babies in a bowl? Blender. How do you get them out? Tortilla chips"

"Adele was outside my window this morning. She said hello from the outside."

"I'd like to welcome everyone with a car visor CD holder to the year 2011. We understand and accept your simple ways here in the future."