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Joke of the Day

"Why did the blonde woman have bruises around her belly button? Because blonde guys arent that smart either..."

"A man walks into a bar and notices two things: 1. there's a line. 2. The daily special is a Cranberry & Vodka. So he gets into the punch-line."

"They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away."

"What was the old lady's favourite type of wine? ""Why don't you ever take me to Florida?"" Courtesy of my Nana."

"Mad Man Wife: How would you feel if I die? Husband: I will go mad with grief. Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you? Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything!"

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"Dear phone. If you wouldn't remind me every ten seconds that my battery was low, I'd be able to finish my status upda"

"How Stella Got Her Goat Back #ReplaceAMovieTitleWithGoat"

"why was the computer late to work? because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)"

"After learning about the Oedipus Complex... ..it was a parent who I was attracted to. *Edit apparent to a parent. This joke is terrible written. Sorry."