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Joke of the Day

"What was the old lady's favourite type of wine? ""Why don't you ever take me to Florida?"" Courtesy of my Nana."

"It's not about the sacrifices you have to make, it's about making sure your knife is sharp and they can't wiggle away."

"A Scotsman was running down the street with his mouth open... He'd heard there was a nip in the air."

"Do you suppose there was much disagreement over what to call the Honda Accord?"

"The host of a party said, ""Make yourself at home,"" so I got comfortable. Turns out English was his second language and he was ordering me to leave :("

"Stop with the boxing jokes guys... You're beating a Mayweather's girlfriend here."

"How many metal heads does it take to change a light bulb? None. Darkness foreverrrr!"

"I love buying cardboard boxes online. You always get one more than you pay for."

"Men need 100% talent to succeed in life....... Women need only 4%..... because the remaining 36+24+36 helps."

"year 39, month 3: woke up a sentient tangle of meat and calcium again"