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Joke of the Day

"They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away."

"How was copper wire invented? Someone threw a penny between two jews"

"Due to a mix up my cat ended up in a beauty contest and not at the vet. To my surprise she apparently won some gimmick trophy for fluffiest butt. It was a real *catastrophe.*"

"Lifting the toilet seat AND putting it back down are 2 steps. If women really want equality, they're going to have to take on a step here."

"Werner Heisenberg's epitaph: Here lies Heisenberg. ^^^?"

"What's a pirate's favourite letter? You may think it's arr, but they are truly in love with the sea!"

"My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone."

"Wanna hear a joke? My social life."

"An ear doctor gets a phone call from a patient and asks him to describe the symptoms. He says, ""they're yellow, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"". [Source](http://m.imgur.com/gallery/3axkvOQ)"

"Nice hourglass figure, girl. Wanna come back to my place and stand on your head so my friends and I can keep time while we play Pictionary?"