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Joke of the Day

"Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend? He was a boar."

"My wife told me: ""Sex is better on holiday."" That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive."

"At a local restaurant, I got on one knee and she said yes. 13 years later I haven't got the balls to tell her I was just chasing a crouton."

"the ultimate pick up poem as told by my drunk father Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a gun, Get in the van"

"Something good is coming my way I can feel it. Nothing life changing, probably just a hotdog God please let it be a hotdog"

"A thief stole a toilet from the police station. At this point they have nothing to go on."

"Do you know why eggs are the only thing to laugh at 9/11? Because it's an inside yolk"

"Men taking pictures of their outfits on Instagram is why we will lose the next World War."

"What's the difference between a musician and a suicide bomber? A musician wears his heart on his sleeve. A suicide bomber wears his spleen on your shoes."

"I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this."