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Joke of the Day

"A woman in a store was complaining vehemently about her bathroom fan. I guess she really needed to vent."

"""I beat you, fair and square"" - Me telling you what I did to you, where I did it, and what my favorite shape is"

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? if so, how did you get their little legs apart?"

"Me to waitress: ""Do you have frog legs?"" Her response: ""Yes.."" Me: ""Then hop on back to the kitchen and get me a steak"""

"It's like the people who drive Smart cars don't even realize that other cars are an option."

"I ordered the CliffsNotes version of Snooki's book and they sent me a bar menu, a printout of the urban dictionary and an STD pamphlet."

"Justin Bieber should thank Elton, Adam, and Ricky for making his closet a walk-in."

"You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak."

"I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue.... On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice."

"Confuse the cable guy when he finally shows up at your house by telling him he'll have to wait outside until your favorite TV show is over."