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Joke of the Day

"How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hella"

"Welcome to America's Next Top Teen! Smoke these drugs, piierce your face, burn some books, swear at your parents"

"TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub."

"I heard someone call pumpkin spice lattes basic... but they are wrong, lattes have a pH below 7"

"If you're having reception problems with your phone... Just shove an antenna up a girl's ass, then yell at her face. Then you will officially have a receptionIST!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I left my girlfriend because her orgasms were too brief. I just could not accept her shortcomings."

"You said that if I went to visit at the hospital I should be sure to take flowers. So, when the nurse wasn't looking, I did."

"This lady on the train has that raspy, cigarette, alcohol, at death's door kinda voice. I'ma see if she'll record my voice mail message."

"What's the best side to eat from a chicken? The inside."

"My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don't understand how revenge works."