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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to America's Next Top Teen! Smoke these drugs, piierce your face, burn some books, swear at your parents"

"I don't use Miracle Whip, I use Coincidental Circumstances Easily Explained by Reason Whip."

"What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist? A psychiatric tryst."

"You know what's the ultimate form of rejection? When your hand goes to sleep while you're masturbating."

"HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: ... ME: I assume we need to talk longer now."

"A very large woman was walking her dog... and as she walked by I said ""nice pig,"" she looked at me with a puzzled face and said ""that's no pig, it's my dog."" I replied with ""I was talking to the dog."""

"How do you give a lemon an orgasm? You tickle its citrus. (all credit to the movie *The Descent*)"

"Thought i was out of toilet paper today Turns out i had a shitload"

"What is the hardest part of watching an orphanage burn down? My dick."

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick"