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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to America's Next Top Teen! Smoke these drugs, piierce your face, burn some books, swear at your parents"

"Why aren't anal sex jokes funny? Because they tend to be inside jokes."

"[love making] Her: [leans in] ""do that thing you know I like."" [i cease to exist] Her: ""yeah baby."""

"What is Fetty Wap's favorite time? 5:38 PM."

"I like my women like I like my Isis victims. Topless. Remember, this is just a joke, so don't be offended. It's nothing to lose your head over."

"Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride? Mooooootorcycles!"

"Think you're smart? Try explaining daylight savings time to a kid."

"wife: ""he never reacts appropriately, just tell him"" doctor: ""ok, keith we had to remove both your legs"" me: ""where will i keep my car keys"""

"Starting a dating site for people who just want someone to take a walk with after a big meal."

"You deserve a standing ovation from my tallest finger."