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Joke of the Day

"This lady on the train has that raspy, cigarette, alcohol, at death's door kinda voice. I'ma see if she'll record my voice mail message."

"The French word for shoe insole is semelle, which they often do."

"Why did the female war reenactors need to throw away their costumes? Because they weren't period-appropriate!"

"The government. Unfortunately, wherever you're from, they are a joke."

"Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone? Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for."

"Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself, that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months."

"god: welcome to heaven, bob. today we reunite you with your soulmate bob: karen! god: karen? your soulmate is a japanese farmer named oshi"

"How many South Americans are boycotting the World Cup final? Brazilians"

"Lets try it once A husband asks his wife to try anal...she says, Ohhhh that reminds me with the school days."

"Putin goes on holiday! Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk. Customs officer: Occupation? Putin: No, just visiting."