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Joke of the Day

"How do you make Aquaman cool? Put him in water!"

"Reddit's front page has more intellectual news stories than my local TV stations I don't understand it because I'm only 3 years old."

"One time, I broke my iPhone and for 2 days I had to tweet from my Macbook like a God-dammed homeless person I don't like to talk about it"

"I just wish God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well."

"My friend threw a pebble at me for not giving him the video game he wanted for Christmas... I just said 'Let he who is without sims throw the first stone'."

"Success is having no idea where the nearest Coinstar machine is."

"I just saw a ""The Flash"" porn parody... ...the movie lasted one second."

"How do you spot a egocentric vocalist? They warm up singing, 'Mi, mi, mi.... Mi!'"

"My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn't notice when I haven't moved my mouse in an hour."

"I was raping a women may night when.., She said think of her children Kinky bitch!"