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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"Do you know how many 3rd party sects the catholic church is protecting? None, catholics aren't allowed to have protected sects."

"What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink."

"Coworker came back into the office after being out sick for one day. Me: Feeling better? Him: Yea, I had a bad case of Ass Glaucoma. Me: What? Him: Yea! I couldn't see my ass being drug to work!"

"Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart."

"[team dumps Gatorade on head coach after victory but head coach just happens to be the Wicked Witch of the West] COACH: you idiots *melts*"

"me: annie are you ok so annie are you ok are you ok annie (X5) girl [wearing name tag that says annie]: sir will it be paper or plastic"

"What do they call mosquitoes in Pakistan? Churchitoes"

"Did you hear the one about the guy with no ears? Neither did he."

"Why did the skeleton cross the road? because fuck you thats why."