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Joke of the Day

"Relationship status: Putting aloe on the wall and rubbing against it to apply in places that I can't reach."

"What's the difference between a white Jew and a black Jew? The black Jew sits at the back of the oven."

"A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently."

"The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information"

"Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction? Christopher something or other... Anyway, I heard that he's opening a new hospital. They're calling it the Walken clinic."

"I hate when interviewers ask ""why do you want this job?"" So many responses run through my head, but I don't want to sound unprofessional by saying ""because I need the fucking money."""

"What do you call someone who has irrational and prejudiced views against motor races? A feminist"

"The sign at the pool says, Children Under 12 Require Supervision. I guess anyone over 12 is allowed in with only normal eyesight."

"I'm not a fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice..."