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Joke of the Day

"Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten."

"Accidentally fell asleep at my grandmas funeral Wouldn't you know, I woke up with mourningwood."

"I don't want to tell an anal joke... But fuck it."

"I know you didn't sneeze. I said ""God bless you"" because your baby is ugly."

"I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers."

"*bakes 12 cookies* *waits for family to come home* *eats 12* *family arrives* 5 year old: ""I SMELL COOKIES!"" ""Weird! Here's a salad."""

"What's al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets"

"Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy? He was having a mid life crisis."

"Did you hear Santa is getting divorced? Mrs. Clause caught him with a HO-HO-HO......"

"What do you call a broken lizard? Ereptile dysfunction"