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Joke of the Day

"After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was ""Elevator Buttons."""

"What do you call a Chinese prostitute with no legs? Dragon Lips."

"We all hold our hand out for help in this life. The goal should be to have your palm down more often than up."

"A computer once beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kickboxing."

"Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights."

"When my large dog wants to sit beside me but my other slightly less large dog already is, he just sits on top of him"

"I hate pedophiles. Those guys are fucking immature assholes."

"What's long, green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger."

"Cute stranger: *smiles at me* Me: *already imagining who will get custody of the dog*"

"The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty."