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Joke of the Day

"another bar joke a neutron walks into a bar and asks ' how much for a drink ' the bartender replies ' for you, no charge'"

"If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist."

"Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's!"

"Why was the geophysicist arrested? He was doing crystal math."

"What are the two greatest lies? ""The check is in the mail"" and ""I promise I won't cum in your mouth."""

"Trump writing a thanksgiving tweet I love the people of Turkey!`` Related: https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/728297587418247168"

"I've been eating nothing but chicken for the past few days and I finally went to the bathroom. The stench was fowl."

"Ever had sex while camping? ... ITS FUCKING INTENTS"

"I'm going to start an education program aimed at changing kids' reading habits to post-rapture Christian novels. It's called ""no, child, 'Left Behind!'"""

"if you have penciled-on eyebrows I can't hear a word you're saying because I'm staring at them"