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Joke of the Day

"What are the two greatest lies? ""The check is in the mail"" and ""I promise I won't cum in your mouth."""

"Movies are always more fun if you dress up like the characters. Like the time I didn't eat for 3 weeks and then saw Schindler's List."

"You know you've been coding for too long when... System.express(feelings.tired);"

"[on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear"

"Sex is like maths.. Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply"

"Apparently, it's frowned upon to walk up to two police officers and ask ""what are you douchebags up to?"""

"Hell is filled with news anchors tapping stacks of papers on desks and engaging in lighthearted end-of-broadcast banter."

"Nuts Two peanuts walk into a bar, one of em was a salted!"

"My grandfather's broken watch is just as relevant today as it was in the 50s It's a timeless piece, really."

"I forgot to go to the gym again today. That's like 8 years in a row now."