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Joke of the Day

"My wife mentioned that she couldn't remember if she took her anti-anxiety medication. I asked if she was worried about it?"

"I like my women like I like my tea... ...white, weak and you can't tell if what you're drinking is piss or not."

"When a waitress asks if I'd like to hear about the specials, I politely explain that talking about retarded people ruins my appetite."

"Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance."

"Can we please be straight here- when you hit the wrong key by accident, that is a typo. When you can't spell the word, that is NOT a typo."

"I told that woman smoking isn't good for the baby. She said ""I know, I've been trying to get him to quit"""

"We can put a man on the moon but we can't reference any other achievements?"

"Accidentally brushed my teeth with hemorrhoid cream ...but at least my asshole smells minty fresh"

"Trump wants to appoint Ben Carson to the Department of Education, but I think he would do better in the FDA He can feed everyone with all of the grain in those pyramids."

"A salesman knocked on my door today. ""Who currently provides your Internet?"" he asked. I said, ""My next door neighbour."""