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Joke of the Day

"""911? Yes I need to report an incident"" ""What is it mam?"" ""THIS. GIRL. IS. ON. FIRE!"" ""Getting real tired of this crap, Alicia."""

"If you burn a cookie in the shape of a Star Wars character... ...is it crunchy or Chewie?"

"Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can't click because I'm eating cereal and a sandwich."

"What kind of bees scare neckbeards? Boo-bees."

"how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch"

"What do you call it when you get a boner at a funeral? Mourning wood."

"Cop cars should play the jaws theme song"

"I have an L shaped sofa lowercase"

"Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour ? Pupil: Because it can't sit down !"

"My wife has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh ... ... and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea."