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Joke of the Day

"how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch"

"What do you call a field used to grow bows and arrows? An archerd."

"i have good and bad news Wife: Ok, the bad news? i didn't clean out the garage Wife:*sigh* the good news? [holds up cat dressed as Thor]"

"How much cum can a gay guy make? A buttload!"

"The mall Im a New Yorker, and I hate malls. I like to compare them to hell. The average mall has seven levels, the people their want you to go to the mall, and everyone there is republican"

"(Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one."

"You know you're getting old when your decision to sleep with someone is mostly based on the quality of their mattress and pillows."

"Interviewer: If I called your former boss right now and asked him- Me: *smacks the phone out of his hand* don't do that"

"I asked mom once how she knew dad was ""the one"". ""because,"" she replied, ""DNA tests don't lie."""

"I bought a fitbit that's connected to the GPS in my car. Even though I punch in coordinates to a restaurant, it always takes me to the gym."