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Joke of the Day

"Surprisingly, the only Street Fighter II move based on one of Chuck Norris' was Chun-Li's. Chuck Norris prefers to travel by performing four upside-down double-roundhouse kicks per second."

"Sleep deprivation- because sometimes you cant afford drugs or alcohol but still want to feel delusional and irrational."

"What's easier to load into a garbage truck, babies or bowling balls? Babies, because you can use a pitchfork."

"Went to a shrink today. She said I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other b*tch!"

"My wife recently broke up with me because I'm a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back."

"DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying ME: [hands him another $5 bill]"

"My doctor diagnosed me as a delusional. Edit: Thanks for my first ever Reddit gold, stranger!"

"I was always really bad with numbers But I think my 34 inch dick makes up for it."

"Marathon Just won my first marathon. I am experiencing the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet."

"I heard the catchiest joke yesterday... Women's softball."