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Joke of the Day

"Uber driver: ""I'm close, where are you?"" Me: ""oh I see you"" Uber Driver: ""Are you the guy in the middle of the road?"" Me: ""yeah floor it"""

"What did the German brat say to his father? You're the wurst!"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking. Jk rowling"

"accountant: ""youre basically broke"" wife: ""he keeps spending money on stupid stuff"" me: ""lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid"""

"What do you call the sweat that forms on a guys scrotum while he copulates with his sister? Relative humidity."

"How do puppets have sex? No strings attached."

"When I said ""I'm really good in bed"" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now."

"One cool thing about marriage is that when you hate each other, the marriage keeps you together until you like each other again."

"What does a cell that's full of shit do? Lyse."

"Why did the amoeba flunk the math test? Because it multiplied by dividing."