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Joke of the Day

"Q: How do you get 27 kids to carve a statue? A: Have everybody chip in."

"Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!"

"What is the best way to fuck a girl with no arms or legs? Throw her in a lake."

"A baby seal... ... walks into a club."

"My greatest talent is being able to watching 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week."

"[in front of fire] DATE: I'm still kinda cold *she looks at my jacket* ME: Oh! Yeah *I take off jacket & throw it in fire* That oughta do it"

"Now THAT's what I call music! And THIS? THIS is what I call a movie. Oh & over there? A TV show! Don't even get me started on YouTube videos"

"Whenever I shoot something into the trash, I yell ""Kobe!"" But then, my friend follows up by yelling ""Jack!"" I don't get what he's trying to say, but he sure is acting cheesy."

"I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers."

"What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan? The Sims"