42060

Joke of the Day

"Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult."

"origin stories: spiderman: bitten by spider green hornet: bitten by green hornet gambit: bitten by a gam magneto: bitten by magnetic toe"

"What do male lawyers call a female barrister? A barista. Because they're only good for making coffee."

"When is a car, not a car? When it turns into a driveway."

"If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home... I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat"

"Don't say ""fuck"" in Japan They don't like it when you drop the bomb."

"*looking at a picture* Wow, you have beautiful children! Thank you, they came with the frame."

"Eating some turkey? Put gravy on it. Mashed potatoes dry? Try gravy. Headache? Shot of gravy. Depressed? More gravy. Lost a limb? Gra"

"Mechanic: that's gonna cost $2000 Me: how much? Mechanic: $3000 Me: what did you say before that Mechanic: I said ""that's gonna cost"""

"What do you call an angry prostitute? Whoremonal."