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Joke of the Day

"When is a car, not a car? When it turns into a driveway."

"There's no easy way to steal a watermelon."

"If you're not part of the solution... You're part of the precipitate."

"A programmer's wife sends him to the store for a loaf of bread. On his way out she adds, ""and if they have eggs, get a dozen"". He returns home with 12 loaves of bread."

"I'd let Jesus take the wheel but... I don't know how to speak spanish."

"If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home."

"I eat a wide variety of foods: lasagna, tacos, hamburgers... and dim sum."

"Doctor asks a prostitute, do you know who the father is? prostitute replies. Oh for goodness sakes If you ate a can of baked beans would you know which one made you fart?"

"If I had a daughter I wouldn't waste money on training bras, I'd trap wild bras and train them myself like our ancestors did."

"My One A Day multivitamins actually have directions on the bottle - ""Take one multivitamin daily."" Hmmm"