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Joke of the Day

"Why did Jerry Hall marry Rupert Murdoch? He's not much to look at, but he's a great listener."

"What do you say to a man with no legs? Nothing, he'll shoot you."

"I'm not one of those moms who talks about her kids all the time because their lives don't interest me in the least."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? You wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on your face."

"""Why are you always tired, Dad?"" my 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye."

"Apparently women prefer men who are taller than them. So I guess it could be said that tall women have higher standards."

"Is there a punchline to this chemistry joke? Nobelium"

"I don't need to be rich, it would just be nice to live in a neighborhood where I could be confident that that noise was definitely fireworks"

"What sound does a Nintendo Ambulence make? Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U."

"I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples."