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Joke of the Day

"I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples."

"Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ? Because they're crab apples !"

"I just can't find any good doctors... EVERY one of them is still in practice."

"I changed my major from being an actuary. I just couldn't handle the risk."

"Raj Koothrappali met Justin Bieber... Unfortunately he couldn't speak with him"

"""When I learned how to edit videos I felt like the Flash..."" Friend: ""Why, because you fast learner?"" Me: ""No, because I fucked up the timeline."""

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"I thought my Haitian friend was finally going to show me zombies... but it was actually just 'some bees'"

"So I heard most people who use tinder don't have much furniture in their bedrooms... ...most have one night stand"

"Why is a Camel called the ship of the ship of the desert? It's full of Arab Seamen."