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Joke of the Day

"Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones."

"NICE TO MEAT YOU, I scream as I throw slices of salami at strangers"

"Wait you misunderstood. When I called you ""doll face,"" I was referring to Chucky."

"The only person who's never seen what a chef in a pizzeria looks like is the artist who draws the cartoon chefs on pizza boxes."

"""Young man do you think you can handle a variety of work?"" ""I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."""

"How do you start a conversation about men's rights? Mention feminism."

"Lets give each other cute nicknames like, 'Plaintiff' and 'Defendant'"

"COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there? ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down? COP: I'm listening"

"Don't anthropomorphize your pets... They hate it when you do that."

"I feel like whoever named it a ""magic marker"" was really overselling their product expectation-wise."