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Joke of the Day

"Hispanic magician: ""I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos"" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres"

"A woman goes shopping and she buys one tomato, one steak, one yogurt, and a small bottle of soda. The cashier asks her : ""you're single, aren't you?"" Yes, how did you guess? Because you're ugly."

"The guy at the urinal next to me must really like my wrist watch."

"What did a pirate say to fellow pirate? Are you seeding?"

"They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny."

"As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft."

"Heard today that most feminists are lesbians that's why they can't think straight."

"Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets."

"""Roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you whore."""

"When you ask if I want fries or salad, I'll pretend it's a tough choice and we'll enjoy a genial laugh before you bring me more ketchup."