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Joke of the Day

"Me - ""Hey kiddo, you have your shoes on the wrong feet"" My 6 year old - ""I ain't got no other feet"""

"Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg bump into each other, say sorry awkwardly, then try to sidestep each other but keep stepping the same way."

"What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? ""Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"""

"Did you hear Buzz Lightyear was arrested? He was charged with battery."

"Girl, are you an umbrella? Because you're never with me when I need you & I've forgotten you at a restaurant 4 or 5 times."

"I crashed my family's car I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz."

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"There are 3 types of people in the world. Those who know math and those who don't."

"I had some bad middle eastern food yesterday I just felafel afterwards."

"What did the Jewish man do when he got a dog? Posted fliers around the neighborhood that said ""Not Lost Yet""."