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Joke of the Day

"What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? ""Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"""

"Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam? He couldn't get the saddest fraction."

"What do women and stones have in common? You skip the flat ones."

"PROFILE PICTURES: What people want other people to think they look like. TAGGED PICTURES: What they actually look like."

"if seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? bagels"

"What is black and smells like blue paint? Black paint."

"I havent talked to my wife in 6 months. I got a slap the last time I interupted her."

"God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony."

"Did you hear about.. Did you hear about the indian man who was charged with domestic violence, he hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot"

"When my friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo... I had to put my foot down."