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Joke of the Day

"How to get out of ANY jam. Switch to jelly."

"I've been playing this online game where you mostly end up immobilised and eaten alive by insects. It's alright, but just feels like another form of e-scaphism."

"*Power goes out* Wife: I can't see! *Shoes light up* Me: Ha! Whose shoes were ""a waste of money"" & ""clearly meant for a large child"" now?!"

"I used to be in a band called Blank Cheque. After three years we were still unsigned."

"I'm proud of this groaner, even if it gets downvoted more than a duck winning an election."

"007 then and now 007 then: Shaken not stirred. 007 now: Trimmed not shaved."

"Guns don't kill people... ... Husbands who come home early, kill people."

"Do you believe in God? ""Do you believe in God?"" ""Of course! There's only one J.C. for me!"" AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!!!! !!!"

"Really not sure why people tell me to ""be honest"" then get all upset when I tell them their eyebrows need a divorce. *shrugs*"

"I like my coffee, like I like my women... I don't like women."