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Joke of the Day

"that fuzzy feeling when he puts his arm around u for the first time and then his other arm and then his other arm then u realize HE A SPIDER"

"Cop; Know why I pulled you over? Me; Because you got beat up in high school Cop;....... Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?"

"The actress that played Anne Frank in the Anne |Frank story was so bad..... That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said ""where is she"" the audience shouted ""she's in the attic""."

"How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, a beaver, an ass, some hares, and a fish that no one can seem to find."

"Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he'd already done the sharps and flats."

"What do you call a midget physic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large."

"Kwanzaa and Festivus were both made up in 1966. One is a joke holiday that no one should take seriously. The other was featured on Seinfeld. hat tip to u/AudibleNod"

"Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff."

"Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies."

"Old meaning of sorry. ""I won't do it again."" New meaning of sorry. ""Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."""