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Joke of the Day

"Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies."

"I got hit hard in the head with a can of 7up today... I'm alright though, it was a soft drink."

"Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than ""Happy Birthday!"""

"Michael Jackson's latest autopsy report states that he didn't actually die at home. He died in the hospital - he was found in the children's ward having a stroke."

"Who won the race between two balls of string? They we're tied!"

"Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It's called 'We're poor because of you'."

"My deity ignored my prayers today. The sacrifice was a disaster. First, I didn't have the correct incantation, and then the goat knocked over the candles. I guess two wrongs don't make a rite."

"Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality."

"""911 wats ur emergency"" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number"

"what is the leading cause of Pedophilia? Sexy kids"