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Joke of the Day

"What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus? The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans."

"Pokemon. Stds are like Pokemon. Ya gotta catch em all."

"My dick is like a dollar bill... About 6 inches long, 3 inches wide, and you should wash your hands after touching it"

"IF YOU KIDS DON'T COME BACK TO THIS TABLE AND FINISH YOUR LUNCH RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL SIGH HEAVILY, EAT IT MYSELF AND GAIN 3 POUNDS."

"Hummingbirds I finally found out why hummingbirds hum They don't know the lyrics."

"All the kids at Sandyhook wanted books... But all they got was magazines."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? because the 'p' is silent."

"Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*"

"Who corrects Santa's grammar? A subordinate Clause."

"Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb."