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Joke of the Day

"Life and Coffee I like my life like I like my coffee, as dark as it can possibly get."

"Why did god give women two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time."

"Yesterday I bought an expensive but poorly made tie... I think my ascot ripped off!"

"I just left a pregnancy test box in my brother's bathroom to mess with him and his new girlfriend."

"How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!"

"The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet."

"There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user... ...and I snorted the whole thing."

"My wife must think I'm a god... She keeps giving me burnt offerings !"

"A Dad picks his son up from school Dad: what did you learn at school today, son? Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow."

"""HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU?! Seriously? You're 10 years old."" ""..."" ""Beer before liquor, never sicker. NEVER. SICKER."""