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Joke of the Day

"The other day my friend threw up grapes.... And wouldn't stop wine-ing about it"

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a ferrari? The porcupine has pricks on the outside."

"How Do they say ""F**k You"" in Hollywood? ""Trust Me..."""

"*Hires life coach* ""Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!"" *Fires life coach*"

"My friend said he froze himself and as a result his testicles were at -273.1 degrees Celcius... Absolute bollocks"

"What did Jesus become after they nailed him to the cross? Holey."

"It's not God I dislike, He's cool. it's certain members of his fanclub that rub me the wrong way."

"What are caterpillars afraid of? Doggerpillars."

"When someone yells ""Fire!"" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep"

"Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip."