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Joke of the Day

"[hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it"

"Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey."

"Have you ever shoed a horse? No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."

"What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail? Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world."

"My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi."

"I invented a new word yesterday Plagiarism"

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's dick tastes like blood."

"A hole in my heart... There's a hole in my heart ever since Macho Man Randy Savage died a hole that can only be filled if I snap into a slim Jim"

"You never realize how much you love sleeping until you have to wake up in the morning."

"I can't believe how much I cried after that recent episode of the Game of Thrones! ""*There will be no walk of atonement.""* Sigh."