40145

Joke of the Day

"My kid said he was gonna jump off the roof using a blanket as a parachute and I was like ""That won't work you idiot. Go get my umbrella""."

"What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan? Tajweed"

"I hate it when people think I'm dumb. I follow current events. Like the World Cup, for instance. I'm totally rooting for Vuvuzela."

"*sings Batman theme *crawls along bars of death *rolls down slope *ascends tower *knocks out foes ""Miss, you need to leave the playground."""

"A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.."

"My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband."

"How do you burn a lot of calories at once? Douse a fat person with gasoline and light a match"

"Just got home to find the doors ripped off and everything gone. What kind of bastard could do that to my chocolate advent calendar?"

"What does a Boko Haram terrorist become after getting his throat slit? Boko Halal."

"What's the best remedy for a sex starved drug addict? A jack and coke."