4004

Joke of the Day

"Diary June 28 1954 So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can't tell anybody this. June 30 1954 I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok"

"nothing says FUCK YOU like a restaurant giving you one napkin with your takeout order"

"So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you!"

"i wish u could kill cops in mario kart"

"Very dirty joke [NSFW] A pig falls in the mud."

"Wanna race? Ok, I got white"

"I'm smarter than the average bear. But I'm dumber than most foxes and some of the more intelligent bears."

"[date] ""don't let her know ur from twitter"" Her: whats wrong? Me: This fork only has 3 prongs Her: So? Me: it should be called a threek"

"I'm 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote."

"Did you hear about the journalist who stumbled upon a campsite murder? She reported it was bloody in-tents!"