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Joke of the Day
"Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Orally."
Next Joke
"I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?"
"According to Proactiv commercials, people with acne are incapable of being happy AND finding love. Tough break, mutants."
"What do you call a cow that goes online? An eMoo."
"[yelling to the person i'm dancing with at the club] I HAVE SLEEP APNEA"
"Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful."
"Teacher: 24 + x + 30 = 90. Find x. Student: It's between 24 and 30."
"Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say ""OK I'll let you know"""
"Why do they build fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in"
"""Can you explain this Gap in your work history?"" Yes that's when I worked for the popular clothing retailer"