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Joke of the Day

"Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Orally."

"Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :)"

"I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said: ""You have reached the end of you free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinQuotes.com."""

"So... Hillary Clinton is giving this FBI agent a blow job at the Democratic Nation Convention ... Hey...Chill out man...It's politics, that's how it works !!!"

"I bought a fleshlight Because fuck it."

"Kidnapper: Pay up or I'll leak your nudes Me: So what? K: Then I'll tweet your drafts M: Ok don't do anything crazy we can work this out"

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."

"I just spent several seconds trying unsuccessfully to delete a comma. Turns out somebody sneezed it onto the computer screen."

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said ""Can you hear me now?"" the NSA was quietly answering ""Yes we can."""