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Joke of the Day

"Called one of those claims companies after my accident... ... Turns out you can't get any compensation if you shit yourself on the bus."

"What does MC Hammer and antimatter have in common? Can't touch this!"

"What do you call someone without arms or legs Matt"

"Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it."

"The bar was walked into by the passive voice. From [here](http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/seven-bar-jokes-involving-grammar-and-punctuation). What are your best language jokes ?"

"""Could you eat scrambled eggs even if you had no saliva?"" and other things my wife did not want to talk about at brunch"

"Son - ""Mom, don't get scared but I'm calling you from the hospital..."" Mom - ""Son you've been a doctor for 4 years, and you still go on with that shit."""

"Someone should invent bass gloves. So people stop dropping it."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb...? ...to get to the other side"

"what did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look i'm changing"