39884

Joke of the Day

"A rabbi, a priest, and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, ""What is this? A joke?"""

"Holy lord, that sneeze felt so good I feel like I just cheated. I even named it Stan to further delude myself. I'm such a bad girl!"

"What's the best way to dispose of a dead body? Was asking for a friend, but he was being a whiny shit about it, so now I'm asking for me."

"Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture."

"How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? One, or two? One, or two?"

"I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage He said ""that would be GREAT for business"""

"I bet the guy who invented the percent symbol, %, got his inspiration from watching his wife put on a seatbelt"

"In Russia, Vladimir Putin has said that the killers of Nemtsov ""will be ruthlessly hunted down."" He added, ""It's cheaper than paying them"""

"Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel? He Jar Jar Blinked."

"America's oldest lady was 115 years old today and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head. How come? She's completely bald."