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Joke of the Day

"I bet the guy who invented the percent symbol, %, got his inspiration from watching his wife put on a seatbelt"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use a urinal? Because the p is silent."

"Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider? A: ""Life is like a box of chocolates..."" (Source: F. Gump of Intel)"

"[Having a problem with my iPhone] Me: *texting myself* Test Me: *replies* I have a girlfriend"

"Green Lantern That name has a nice ring to it"

"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"

"The Jerk Store Called, they're running out of you! -George Costanza haha, sorry this just came to mind and I had to share.."

"I think having an abortion really brings out the kid in me"

"Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half."

"The best thing about the airport is how me staring at your tits isn't creepy in your country."