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Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to dispose of a dead body? Was asking for a friend, but he was being a whiny shit about it, so now I'm asking for me."

"This lady at the store didn't know what a Toblerone was and I've honestly never been more offended in my life."

"Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving."

"What do you call an Irish lesbian? Gaelic."

"Tolkien once wrote a novel set in an office... It's titled, ""And My Fax""."

"I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome"

"A pirate walks into a bar with paper towel on his head. The bartender says, ""Hey, do you realize you have paper towel on your head?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrrg, I have a bounty on my head."""

"I really hope it's a typo on your resume where it says you're ""goat oriented""."

"Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons? Because they keep stepping on the string."

"You know what we call comedy gold in the chemistry world? Ha2Au (I'm sorry, also the 2 should be sub-scripted but reddit wouldn't let me do that)"