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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex. She told me she had been having sex with an A-Hole for years."

"Duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm. ""Certainly sir, will that be cash or credit?"" ""Just put it on my bill."""

"I just sighed so hard, I won't have to dust for 6 months."

"Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !"

"So this pirate walks into a bar and he has the ships wheel attached to his hips. The bar tender says, ""wow that looks uncomfortable!"" The pirate responds, ""ARGH ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"""

"Why didn't they let Voldermort play quidditch? ...because he'd always just Slytherin the grass."

"The doc gave me some bad news today... I was deficient in VITAMIN U."

"Saw a sign that said ""Watch for Children"" Standing underneath was a rather suspicious looking man holding a watch."

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was in tense."

"[using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... ""what the hell?"" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]"