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Joke of the Day

"Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?"

"If Ursa Minor is made up of stars... is it safe to call it a Solar Bear?"

"I didn't come here tonight to win a popularity contest. Is there one though? Because that will probably affect my behaviour."

"I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - ""open bar"""

"Why was the man with no arms or legs the BEST party host? Because no matter what, when you get to the front door you will always see a welcome Matt."

"Don McClean's wife just surpassed American Pie as his greatest hit."

"Why did linkin park wrap themselves up in plastic wrap before they jumped off a cliff? So in the end they didn't even splatter."

"Q: What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert? A: No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"One day I'll cure blindness. You'll see! You'll all see!"

"The difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler. Usain Bolt managed to finish a race while Hitler couldn't."