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Joke of the Day

"What's missing from star wars 7? Maybe [SPOILER] Nobody's limbs."

"9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"What did the snail say when his friend lost his car? Where did Es-car-go."

"I named my kids after the place they were conceived Although I'm almost 100 percent sure Intheass isn't mine."

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me now!"" ... She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."

"When I was younger, I was afraid of the dark. Now I see the electric bills, and became afraid of the light."

"I've spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted."

"What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef!"

"Ranger Station BOSS: I have reports that you treat the wildlife inappropriately ME: No way *porcupine waddles by w/ kebabs on each quill*"

"Oh. This is hand *Satanizer.* Well, is my face red with the blood of innocents."