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Joke of the Day

"9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"Girl: How long is your dick? Me: I'm not sure I only have 1 ruler"

"<Put your title here> May be NSFW Isn't it crazy how there is a band called one direction, because that's what I named my asshole as a teen."

"My favorite part of the bible is when god gives people free will and then kills everyone with a flood for not acting the way he wanted ."

"Have you heard the one about the broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless."

"A six sided man walks into a bar and orders a gon. The bartender says, ""What the heck's a gon?"""

"A song is being released in aid of the families of the Malaysian Airlines flight... It's Ukraining Men."

"Your honor, if you watch the tape in reverse you can clearly see the officer planting the evidence in my vehicle."

"Surgical operations When you get your tonsils removed: tonsillectomy When you have your appendix removed: appendicectomy When a woman has a sex change: addadictomy"

"Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat"