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Joke of the Day

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me now!"" ... She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."

"Last night my girlfriend kept shouting someone's name while we were having sex. I never met anyone named ""Rape"" though."

"How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management? They hold a runoff election."

"In Russian Thanksgiving... Turkey shoots you. [Meme](https://imgur.com/SHs2Vbt)"

"If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss."

"Why did the proctologist have his cars towed to the auto repair shop? He rectum."

"Recall how as children we were told not to make ugly faces because we'd ""stick that way?"" Careful. It works for dumbing ourselves down, too."

"What do you call a homosexual in Iran after he's been outed? Low hanging fruit."

"Using a remote control is the closest most of us get to being wizards."

"What did Australian Jesus say after the Last Supper? Check, mate."