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Joke of the Day

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me now!"" ... She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."

"What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet? Anything you want. He can't hear a thing."

"Why was the lumberjack executed? He committed treeson."

"So what do you think? New hair? No Shoes? No Bag? No Pants? No * 3 days later watching TV OMG u rearranged the living room - Men"

"Fun fact: if you took all the arteries and veins in a person's body and laid them end to end... Then that person would die."

"Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and say ""Who's special?"""

"Whats the difference between a Pizza and Jew? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven"

"During pelvic exam: Dr.: Your cervix is very high. Me: OMG, weed affects your cervix too?!"

"Kevin Hart is performing in Baltimore tonight..... Should be a riot :p"

"I like my girlfriends the same way I like my Windows 8"